Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
