I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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