I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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