and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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