oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you had me at cake vodka
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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