is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
