i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
