too bad you live with your parents still
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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