I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
