I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
