She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
