Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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