'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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