babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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