I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
