next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my being single is dangerous.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
