If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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