Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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