Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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