i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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