y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize