Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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