tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
