You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
