I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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