Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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