Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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