how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
