Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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