She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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