Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
