i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
NoShamevember. You game?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
