I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As shirtless as possible
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
