I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
