DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got inside last night via doggy door
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
