I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize