If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
