Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
