I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
