So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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