i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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