I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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