im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
