You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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