things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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