I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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