I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Are we still banned from the library?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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