you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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