I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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