I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
