i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
