Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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