Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
