I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
