Christians are straight up FREAKS
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
