I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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