I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
