so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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