If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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