He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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