I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
