My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
