today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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