dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
