1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
