so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My bed smells like the plague
My feet surprised me
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