All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
