I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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