quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
