A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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