quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
