Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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