Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
