I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so let's talk penis.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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