he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
