If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
farters have to be the big spoon...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
