I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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