How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
