I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
