i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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