Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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