Someone shit on the floor
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
